copyright 9/22/2002
Millie Plastaras
Sometimes in our relationships we run into a situation
that is so hurtful, or strife filled, or we just don't seem
to be able to compromise. When this happens we have
2 ways to go, the right way or the wrong way.
We choose the way of the spirit of offense or a prayerful journey
into wisdom. This is the true test of a Christian, because
it shows the desire to please God and treat others correctly
by following the teachings of Jesus. Which clearly
teaches us to love one another, no matter what.
So today we are going to discuss some of the symptoms
we can experience when our heart turns towards
incorrect decisions about relationships and inner
healing.
When you have heart problems, you go to a cardiologist
so he can give you tests to see what is happening
that is making your heart not work correctly.
When your heart is hurting, we go to the one who
created it, so He can show us how to heal ourselves
and our relationships.
Please read this prayerfully, carefully, with
an open mind, and seek God's wisdom. Because
the day we shut God out, when we get hurt, is the
day the devil gets a foothold in our minds and spirit.
And it mushrooms, and takes root, until it becomes
a root of bitterness and the spirit of offense.
It will thereafter change every relationship,
every decision and every thought you have.
This is your checklist.. if you see these symptoms,
Truly, you must address them, and go to the Lord in
prayer for guidance and wisdom.
1. Pride.
Do I focus on how much I have been wronged?
This is a common problem. We have someone say
something hurtful, or they neglect us, or forget to
include us. Our feelings get hurt and we spend days
rehearsing what was said to us, or what we should have
said to others. Or how we should have told them off.
Or how dare they? Then.. it becomes our focus.
Rather than prayer.
Pride is the downfall of a Christian. Pride comes before
a fall. Pride, does not enhance relationships, or you.
It defeats your purpose in having a servants heart before
God.
2. Faultfinding.
Do I rehearse and look at the faults of others constantly?
Why is it when someone is different from us, we look
at that difference like it makes them a failure or not as
good as us? You see my friends, we were all made different!
This was God's plan. Wow. Why are we fighting it then?
Do we expect everyone to be a clone of us? Do we expect
people to meet our expectations or rescue us? Do we
expect constant attention, or they are not our friends?
This is a sign of immaturity emotionally and spiritually.
And we must learn to accept people wherever they are
emotionally or spiritually. And if we disagree, or are
unhappy with it. We need to be loving and kind and pray
about it. And ask God to give us wisdom about what
WE are doing wrong. Not about fixing the other person.
If the person has been cruel or unkind, we need to pray
for them. Jesus said pray for your enemies. That
takes courage and a servants heart. Not thinking
about me, me, me. But what would Jesus want me to do.
3. Avoidance.
Do I avoid being around people with whom I have conflicts?
This is a human and natural reaction. But it is not healthy.
And so many people do it now, they do not know how
to overcome it. People write each other off as if they
were nothing. AS if their feelings did not count.
We must reach out, love them, and let go of whatever
has hurt us. We have to move on. If we do not move on,
it doesn't hurt the person who hurt us.
IT HURTS US. Make no mistake. You are being
robbed spiritually! You are in slavery to unforgiveness!
4. Silence.
Do I refuse to share my feelings in a healthy way?
Do you shut people out when you have been hurt?
For a time, perhaps that is normal. But I think withdrawing
to pray, seek guidance, or give yourself a bit to cool off
is OK. What is not OK is to withdraw and become reclusive
surrounding yourself with a wall to protect yourself
from getting hurt again.
It's normal to feel hurt for a time when we have been
let down or seen disappointment in the way others treat us.
This is just the reality of life and relationships.
But.. as Christians.. we are to be focusing on the positive,
kind forgiving side of life. Not on holding grudges, and
counting old hurts like stacks of coins. This is so
self defeating. And it keeps us from having one healthy
relationship. We have to learn to move past the hurt
into healing.
Just move on! Don't cling to that which hurts you
and others. Its not a treasure... its a bondage... LET GO!
5. Isolation.
Do I withdraw emotionally?
Almost everyone I know anymore does. This is so
prevalent, that we actually see whole families avoiding
each other forever. My friends, this ought not to be so.
God has called us to a spirit of reconciliation. WE cannot
reach anyone for Christ if we hide every time we get hurt.
WE have to look at the bigger picture. WE have
one life. WE can spend it on licking our wounds,
or we can spend it seeking ways to heal them.
What choice are you making?
6. Unfaithfulness.
Do I share unnecessary information about my opposer?
Do you feel you need to tell others how badly someone
hurt you, so you look better than the offender?
This is really a problem that keeps the relationship from
healing. We go behind someone's back, and talk about
their faults. Yet, hey.. we all have them.
I have at least 22 faults, don't you? Let us rather laugh
about it.. and say.. you know what. I have done things
wrong too. Let us forgive one another, and love each
other while we have time.
7. Hopelessness.
Do I lack faith that God can work in any situation?
Do you give up on people? Do you give up on your
situation? What next? Sit around and feel defeated,
alone and a victim the rest of your days?
What next?
If we give up, there is nothing next! WE have created
an impossible situation in our minds. Our minds
being the spiritual battlefield of our souls.
We must be vigilant about fighting hopelessness.
The next step is poor me, and a feeling of being a
permanent victim in life.
God said we are victorious. And we become that
way by receiving what he has for us. By dwelling
in His presence. By building our faith in Him, by
reading His word, by reading the testimonies of
others and how they have overcome things.
Nothing is impossible with God.
We must walk in faith.
Not in defeat.
8. Resentment.
Do I hold on to my anger until it turns to bitterness?
This can be so common in relationships, and marriages.
When you fight, unless you have the courage to talk
through it, forgive others, you never move on. For the
rest of your days, you stay in the same place emotionally.
Crippled by hurt.
This is not where God called us to be.
And it does not reflect Faith.
It reflects a lack of time spent with Him, growing in Faith.
We cannot allow resentment to become part of our
arsenal to use when people hurt us. It is not important
to resent someone.
It is important to forgive them.
Because.. if we don't we get hurt more, and do not forgive
spiritual life comes to a standstill.
Then things can only get worse.
We must fight this. And fight the spirit of offense that
comes from being hurt.
The Bible tells us to pursue peace, actively.
Are you pursuing peace?
Are you pursuing hurt?
What is your daily agenda?
Be honest.
Who is your master today?
And...wouldn't you love to be healed of all this
pain and hurt?
We will continue this tomorrow.
As we discuss some constructive ways of healing
our relationships.
Spend time in prayer tonight my friends.
God has big plans for you. Allow Him to work in your
heart. Let go of the past. Today is a new day.
WE must be transformed from the ways of the world,
into Godly thinking.
Forgetting those things which are behind,
and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.
I press towards the goal for the prize of the high calling
of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13b, 14
remember
Only one life, will soon be past
Only what is done for Christ will last
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